It’s clear that the human brain is a real feat of evolution. We can talk, we can walk and talk at the same time, we can socialize, we can be awkward while socializing, we can invent computers so we can blog about the awkwardness of socializing…. we’re pretty complex.
So supposedly, there was a time when there wasn’t any life on earth. Then there were these carbon molecules that were just like, “Oh hey, bro. Wanna party?” And that night they went hard. And then stuff happened. And the next morning, one of the carbons wakes up to realize he’s made a huge mistake: there’s a new life on the way. Soon enough, there was a cell. (That carbon wound up paying cell-support for the rest of his life.)
Anyway, this cell somehow evolved and then there were bacteria, and one of the bacteria evolved into a different bacteria… and then some billion years later, there were all kinds of fish and dinosaurs and shit like that. Then there were mice and flying squirrels and eventually there were chimps and platypuses and people. Then came aliens, smurfs, and gnomes. (But those aren’t important right now.) Then the dodo birds disappeared.
I’m not trying to teach evolution here, so please don’t quote me in your next research paper. The point of this little lesson is that it took a LONG time and a LOT of evolution to get to us.
And so, we think we’re boss.
But you know? I think the bacteria had the right idea all along. (Our bacteria ancestor who evolved was probably just a crazy mofo.)
I mean what’s not to love? Say you’re a bacteria. You can spend all your days living in a hot spring, developing a resistance to antibiotics, and terrorizing your host. You can look like this. Or this. You also will be present at all the biggest and best bacteria parties, where you’ll just eat, drink, and have tons of sex. You can pretty much just bro around all day long. All day erry day.
As a person, we’ve got these big brains. And what do we use them for? Well if you’re me, you use it to imagine what it’s like to be a bacteria. Meanwhile, the bacteria are busy being bacteria. Bacteria: 1, Rachel: 0.
Although bacteria are not actually smarter than us, the certainly have more street-sense than we do. They know how to survive danger, they know how to defend themselves, they know how to work hard, and they know how to party hard. Bacteria know what they’re doing.
I really have nowhere else to go with this… I was just bored and wanted to put this out there.